I’m truly sorry for you and what is happening, I read so many stories about people who have insomnia and the suffering that it causes. I noticed you said that this has been going on for most of your adult life and that you’ve tried many different medications with no success, I feel that you need much more help than what you have been given so far, perhaps you can ask your doctor to get you in with a sleep therapist and also sign up for sleep monitoring and extensive tests to see what is needed for your sleep health. I’ve known people who went through this and they were able to get help once they found the problem because there’s many different reasons why you can’t sleep. I also learned that insomnia is not the same for everyone, some people fall asleep but wake up shortly afterwards and can’t get back to sleep, others have said they don’t fall asleep at all, it’s a very difficult thing to cope with but don’t give up on getting the right treatment or medication to help you get your sleep, best wishes to you.