I am not happy at all seeing other Moms going through what I am. But it makes me feel not so alone.
I believe he is abusing prescription drugs...and is getting more from an other physician who is in Canada. My son lived there for 3 years before moving to the mid-west in the states. I found old prescriptions from 2024 and pharmacy bags with the names of a couple of amphetamines - all from Canada when visiting me. Yes, I snooped. So, he smartly has 2 medical providers prescribing the same drugs. The prescription bags had his old Canadian address on them as well as the sessions he had with his Canadian provider. I knew he was abusing...but thought he was getting them from the dark web or even from a supplier who might live in his condo. I never thought he was using his old psychiatrist or PCP from Canada and this doctor and the pharmacy simply think he is still living in Canada. He gets a 6 month supply...I thought "how does he pick up these drugs?" I figured out he simply flies there (not a long trip) or even drives there...he must pick them up personally and uses cash. I found 4 pharmacy bags with prices. He is actually paying about $1600 for these drugs at a clip to avoid insurance and credit cards charges. Pretty slick, right? I am beyond heartbroken but I know from previous talks (before I knew about Canada) he does not want to give up these drugs. He is visiting me right now. In the mornings clearly he has crashed. Refuses to speak to me and hides in his bedroom, often complains of headaches. By late afternoon he is animated, laughing and talking. But I can see he is still not himself. As a loving Mom I can not let this go. But how to confront him? His father, my ex is totally useless. He has a severe personality disorder and says he will do this & that to help him - and always always does nothing. He lives in the South. I know my son will explore when I talk to him...thinking of writing a letter to him. He sees a therapist periodically but b/c of his addition - misses a lot of sessions. This is about his 6th therapist since moving to the mid-west 3 years ago. Yes, he had 2 major traumas...and went down the rabbit hole and turned to drugs to self-medicate. I thought he had the strength to pick himself up despite it all and make choices to improve his life. No, we went the other way. He is a debating and argues with me on every point. He should have been a lawyer. He can twist everything around to NOT make anything his fault or responsibility. It always comes back to me. I don't want to lose my only child. I love him unconditionally. But he could die from what he is doing. And the thing is - he does not care. I am beyond sick over this. I know exactly what the other Moms are feeling as they are in my shoes. No one else really does...except my therapist. Who tells me he is an adult and only he can change his life. But when? There seems to be no hope.