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Dealing with adult son with mental health: Parents want to share?
Mental Health | Last Active: Feb 2 6:39am | Replies (251)Comment receiving replies
The past month has been especially rough. He has been manic and raging one day and crying and depressed the next. He has been very attached to me, demanding my undivided attention. He came into my room while I was watching a movie, brought his blanket and a video game and basically wanted to lay all over me like a child. After about the 10th time he had asked me what he could eat and rejecting all of my suggestions I finally said "I don't know, you've been whining and complaining for the last hour. You figure it out.' Then he started crying, saying that he was just trying to hang out with me. I tried to apologize and offer to go to the kitchen and make him some food, but by then the raging and screaming started. I blew it by engaging in the argument. I said something like you're 24 years old stop acting like a child, and he turned that into I don't love him anymore, don't want his hugs, and have broken his heart into a million pieces that can never be repaired. For 30 minutes he screamed about what a terrible person I am and has now gone to his room not speaking to me. I texted him a formal apology taking full responsibility for what I said. I feel like crap! All because I wanted to finish a movie. 😔
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Hello @renee8466, I would like to add my welcome along with @dlydailyhope and others. I'm sorry to say that I have had similar experiences with my son who is now 55 but doing much better than those early years, mainly because his treatments have changed for the better over the years and he is now much better. What helped my wife and I during those tough years that you are now experiencing was finding a local support group where we could talk with other parents going through similar experiences. The National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI) has some information on finding support that I think could be helpful for you and your son - https://www.nami.org/support-education/support-groups/.
Have you thought about talking with his doctors or care team for suggestions, or trying to find a local support group?
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@renee8466
Try not to be too hard on yourself. You are in a tough situation with a 24 year old adult child who has mental health challenges that limits his self care. You probably don’t have time to yourself often and were trying to carve out time to enjoy a movie by yourself. I can relate with the interruptions and frustrations. I have a teen that has ADHD and some anxiety/OCD and behind in development and maturity to do more self care and take on responsibilities. It can be really exhausting (I am a single parent with no family/support system).
Is your son on medication and in regular therapy? Are you in family therapy to work through this together? Do you get help and breaks as the primary caregiver (do you have family/friend support)?
I had a similar situation the other day with my son and had a blowout before bed. The next morning, I went into his room and laid in bed next to him, hugged him, told him I was sorry and that I loved him. He knows I am struggling with depression and health problems/chronic pain and even apologized himself.
Did you explain to your son that you need time to yourself to relax and take a mental/physical break and that he interrupted your movie. You can apologize for your response but also need him to meet you half way. He should know that he also needs to respect you and your boundaries. If there is food in your home and easy snacks available for him to self serve, he needs to understand that he can care for himself. If he is interested in something more substantial, he would need to wait until you are able to make it and he can help you. You don’t want to enable his helplessness and dumping all responsibility for his emotions on you. He needs to learn respect of others and their boundaries while expressing his needs.