So sorry. I understand completely. The ache, the never knowing if it will ever be ok. My son is staying with a friend thousands of miles from me. Or, that is what I think. I honestly don’t know anything for sure. His last visit here was strange. He isn’t my son mentally. He’s like an angry stranger. I’m not seeing any future with him … not like we were. Why? Why my baby? I know it’s not his fault. My husband and daughter are angry with him. He has no control over these thoughts. God help him. God help us all. I hurt with you riverbendab. No one can understand this pain unless you have lived it.