Hi @jkenser,
You just had brain surgery to remove a brain tumor and you survived! That's right, you survived! You need to keep telling yourself that. Maybe it would help if you would start keeping a journal. Write down all your thoughts, feelings & fears. Why do you feel like you're one big mess, etc. Is there a support group in your area? If there isn't, seek a professional who you can talk too. This fall, it will be 25 years since my brain surgery. I still have some high anxiety days. You're not alone. You need to give yourself a break. Take a deep breathe. Relax..... For now, stay away from the internet. Focus your attention on something else. Do you have any hobbies?