I more than understand. I too think back to raising my son and now know how dysfunctional our household was. I too think everything could have been better...but I now believe I was in a major depression for years but simply didn't know it but always knew "something" was not right. As loving Moms, our sadness seeing our sons this way is overwhelming. Our hearts are broken as they continue on the road they are on with seemingly no hope of positive change in their lives. It's good you are in therapy, as I am also. My therapist is helpful but she is not in my shoes. Her 3 adult children are all OK. Yes, let go and let God. So easy to say, often so hard to do. At his age in life now, I never never thought this could now be his life. He had the world in the palm of his hands...but life went sour for him. He went down the rabbit hole and never came up. I thought he could. I expected him too. But it was not to be. And my offers of help are always pushed back. I have no idea what the answer is. People tell me "he must come out of this himself". Only he can help himself. Yes, I understand that. But it is not happening for several years now...and I see nothing in his future that is going to change. So we continue to pray & have faith...but sometimes I think God is not listening to me. You are not alone. Blessings to you and your son.