@katenj
I can relate with you. I have guilt about being so busy in my job, moving, traveling and with my young son that I wasn’t able to spend as much quality time with my black cat I rescued off the freeway in CA. I risked my life to save him and had a special bond with him. I didn’t noticed his health decline in the last 3 years of his life because I was busy with an infant/toddler and working. I wish I noticed that when he started to pee on my son’s playmate and toys that it wasn’t due to being territorial and not happy with my son taking away attention from him. He actually was diagnosed with kidney cancer. The poor thing was suffering and I didn’t see it! I felt terrible once he was diagnosed. I tried giving him IV fluids when his kidneys were failing but I could not do it alone and hold him properly (had no local support system and a newly divorced single parent of a toddler). If only I could turn back time and realize he was sick and get him help sooner. I felt guilty for yelling at him when he peed on things when he couldn't help it (I had to throw away many things that were ruined).

My recent cat I had to put down at 13 with bone cancer, I did not feel as guilty for not spending time with him since I had to work at home during Covid and the became disabled/retired early after losing my job so I home for the last 5 years (2 of the last years I was not working). He was in noticeable pain so I had to make a pretty quick decision to put him down so he would not suffer excruciating pain with the growth of the bone tumor in his jaw (told he only had about 4 weeks left to live and the tumor was growing fast and would eventually break his jaw). I know I did the right thing but it was still hard. I have his brother looks like his twin) and he has kidney function decline and worry he won’t be around long if he has eventual kidney failure or cancer.

When you lose your pets, you look for them when you come into the house and go through your normal routine. They are always there in the middle of everything you do so there is a tremendous void when they are gone. Dogs are definitely like babies/toddlers that depend on their humans but they give love, companionship and loyalty in return. My dogs are both around 8-9 (they weren’t sure of their exact age since they were found as strays) and they are medium sized dogs with an average life span of 10-13. I can already see the decline in their energy and stiffness in joints when getting up/going up steps plus both have potential liver/kidney issues to keep an eye on. It is never easy to lose them but I am thankful for the time I have with them and feel good that I have given homeless/rescue animals a good and safe life filled with love.