Abandoned and alone

Posted by panamagloria @panamagloria, Aug 10 4:24pm

How to handle the feeling of abandonment. I am 81 years old and live alone. I was always there for my and grandchildren and now that I need them they are nowhere to be found, only when they need something. My daughter has stopped talking to me for no known reason and it pains me.

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Profile picture for pml @pml

Hi Katenj,
I think that's great that you are working in your backyard! I've been taking care of my flower gardens and shrubs also. It's very satisfying and like you said, good physical activity! It is hard to cope with the loneliness but this forum does help. If you ever want to send me a private message, I'd love to hear from you!
Have a good time working in your backyard!
PML

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Thank you so much for your encouraging words. When I come back inside, the loneliness hits me in the face tho. Getting your reply really helped. Ive gotten myself totally stuck in "poor me" and I dont like it here. I think sharing with others like you will help.
Kate

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Profile picture for dlydailyhope @dlydailyhope

@panamagloria
It would be good for you to get counseling to help you cope. I’m sorry for your feeling abandoned. I can relate to feeling lonely and not having family be there for you when you have done so much for them. You need to focus on taking care of yourself and doing things you enjoy. Find ways to get involved in your community socially to give you other ways to be around people. You may want to volunteer. What do you enjoy doing? Do you have a pet? My dogs and cats give me companionship and something to love and care for. They love me back, too! 🙂

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Thank you for your kind and helpful words. I am starting counseling tomorrow by the way. There are waiting lists everywhere here and I finally agreed to see a male therapist who has an availability. I do have to find out about volunteering. I would feel useful and have contact with people. I have two cats that I adore. My dog Theodore passed away last October and I still cry a little almost everyday. He was my baby and my best friend. Im not near ready for another. Im lonely and sad without him and thats probably a big part of my depression. You gave me alot to think about. Thank you

Kate

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If a cat or dog is too much, try fish ! You can't pet them but they can be really interesting to watch. And relaxing. I used to let the water level get low in the aquarium so I could hear the sound of running water.
They're really good in the winter time when it's harder to get out into nature.
And it's an inexpensive hobby. You don't have to start with a full aquarium set up.

I sympathize with the loneliness. Seems like there is a lot of dis-connection nowadays...

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Profile picture for katenj @katenj

Thank you for your kind and helpful words. I am starting counseling tomorrow by the way. There are waiting lists everywhere here and I finally agreed to see a male therapist who has an availability. I do have to find out about volunteering. I would feel useful and have contact with people. I have two cats that I adore. My dog Theodore passed away last October and I still cry a little almost everyday. He was my baby and my best friend. Im not near ready for another. Im lonely and sad without him and thats probably a big part of my depression. You gave me alot to think about. Thank you

Kate

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@katenj
I’m so sorry about your loss of Theodore! 😢🐾🐾 I have never had to put a dog down or lose one yet. I have had to put down a couple cats and one sick kitten and that was really hard but I bet it will be even harder with my Covid rescue dogs. I had to put down my 13 year old cat last week due to a fast growing osteosarcoma bone cancer in his jaw. I didn’t really have time to prepare for the loss (he had IBD but he started to show signs of pain and I couldn’t bear to watch him suffer). By the way, I currently have a black cat named Teddie (like the name Theodore).

Maybe you could volunteer at an animal shelter or rescue or foster a senior dog. I fostered pregnant cats and kittens and dogs with puppies at one point because I love animals so much. I am not able to do that now plus take care of my own cats and dogs but I may look at volunteering at a rescue/shelter in the future.

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Profile picture for katenj @katenj

Thank you so much for your encouraging words. When I come back inside, the loneliness hits me in the face tho. Getting your reply really helped. Ive gotten myself totally stuck in "poor me" and I dont like it here. I think sharing with others like you will help.
Kate

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Hi Kate,
I'm glad I could help a little. Loneliness is hard to deal with. It's been a year since my husband died and I still feel lonely every day. However, this forum always has someone there for you with a nice comment and that helps take the loneliness away! I'm glad that you found this forum. It will help!
Have a nice evening!
PML

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Profile picture for Randy Shields @randallshields56

howdy and welcome, sorry you feel that way bout things. its harder the older you get and have problems with your kids, i kind of have a few related problems similar and still not quite 69. to you that's probably a pup but have already put two lifetimes into those 68 years. but i do have a daughter that makes my world rock. if not for her i would be in the situation of trying to find me a senior center to make some friends. hard enough to have those other issues and feel abandoned. i feel the same with family and a lot to my story, but would welcome you as a long distance friend if you would like that. message me anytime. have the better part of the evening that you can. I'm out in Virginia taking it one day at a time. they call me randy.

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Thank you

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Profile picture for dlydailyhope @dlydailyhope

@katenj
I’m so sorry about your loss of Theodore! 😢🐾🐾 I have never had to put a dog down or lose one yet. I have had to put down a couple cats and one sick kitten and that was really hard but I bet it will be even harder with my Covid rescue dogs. I had to put down my 13 year old cat last week due to a fast growing osteosarcoma bone cancer in his jaw. I didn’t really have time to prepare for the loss (he had IBD but he started to show signs of pain and I couldn’t bear to watch him suffer). By the way, I currently have a black cat named Teddie (like the name Theodore).

Maybe you could volunteer at an animal shelter or rescue or foster a senior dog. I fostered pregnant cats and kittens and dogs with puppies at one point because I love animals so much. I am not able to do that now plus take care of my own cats and dogs but I may look at volunteering at a rescue/shelter in the future.

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Actually my daughter provided me with a wonderful and magical gift. Her dog is 13+ and a sweetheart. But she has arthritis and stomach issues and the constant activity and noise of my two young grandchildren made her very nervous, shaking and not eating. My daughter suggested Sheena spend a few days with me for quiet and rest. A few days turned into probably permanent and Sheena is doing wonderfully. The gift of her companionship, just having her in the house, walking around, wanted to go out, taking her for walks, has been a Godsend. I still miss my Theodore terribly, and that will take time to work through, maybe never but Sheena's being with me helps with the loneliness. And knowing my daughter understands me, without my telling her, and knowing and being willing to help me does give me joyl
I have two cats and love them so much. One sleeps on my pillow at night. I know Ill always be a cat person. But a dog is like your baby and its a different kind of attachment. You are doing a wonderful thing fostering. I think I would get too attached and end up with 10 dogs and cats. You help me believe that nothing will take away my pain at my loss but that I can find joy still. Thank you
Kate

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Profile picture for dlydailyhope @dlydailyhope

@katenj
I’m so sorry about your loss of Theodore! 😢🐾🐾 I have never had to put a dog down or lose one yet. I have had to put down a couple cats and one sick kitten and that was really hard but I bet it will be even harder with my Covid rescue dogs. I had to put down my 13 year old cat last week due to a fast growing osteosarcoma bone cancer in his jaw. I didn’t really have time to prepare for the loss (he had IBD but he started to show signs of pain and I couldn’t bear to watch him suffer). By the way, I currently have a black cat named Teddie (like the name Theodore).

Maybe you could volunteer at an animal shelter or rescue or foster a senior dog. I fostered pregnant cats and kittens and dogs with puppies at one point because I love animals so much. I am not able to do that now plus take care of my own cats and dogs but I may look at volunteering at a rescue/shelter in the future.

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I just wrote to you but Im falling apart right this second and wanted to share what I am feeling. You seem to get it. I was just sitting at the computer and I remembered the times Theodore wanted me to sto p what I was doing and pay attention to him and Id pat him on the head and keep up doing what I was doing. And now hes gone and there are no more times hell come up to me. Why didnt I stop sitting at the computer and just sit with him and pet him ? I would give anything to be able to do that now and its too late. Im crying my eyes out and I just want one more chance. I miss him so much. Why didnt I spend that time with him. I thought I had forever.

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I'm so sorry to hear about your loneliness and pain you are going through. I have a similar situation but I'm 62.
You are never really alone. God is with you and inviting you to accept His invitation. I hate when my friend would say that , but it is actually true. God is always their. Does He replace humans,? No. But He certainly helped me through the loneliness by occupying my time with reading more and more about Him which gave me peace instead of anxiety. Do I still get lonely? Of course I do, I'm human, but it's less than it would have been.
I don't know where you are but I'm in Mass if you ever want to chat and discuss God , functional families, narcissists , or what have you. Lonely people reaching out to other lonely people = no more lonely people.
Light and Love TinkerBell2

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