Any suggestions for the wife on how to support my husband?

After surgery, I did not have any hormone therapy and it took 3 1/2 years before it came back. After salvage radiation, no hormone therapy. Took 2 1/2 years to come back.

Mine keeps coming back because I have BRCA2. For the majority of people with a Gleason seven it doesn’t come back.

Good to hear about his surgery and initial results.

The pathology report would be useful to the members too.

This may or may not be of use - https://vimeo.com/1051992846/4764509489?share=copy

Kevin

Kevin, thanks so much for the link to the Prostate Cancer Foundation video, "The Caregiver's Perspective." This should be required viewing for both the men going through the diagnosis, treatment, and side effects and their significant others and the care team that supports them through the process. I've watched it and Joanne and I will watch it together. Much appreciated!

Guy

Life has been so difficult for him. His angry all the time. I don’t know what I can do to help him be able to have an erection.

Speak to your urologist about Trimix.

I can get an erection from almost anybody.

Thank you @anything4him for posting this. “We” are about to go for radical prostatectomy in one month and I realized I was panicking. Found your post. Happily that led me to @robertmizek and his helpful pdf. I have no idea how to use this forum but I just wanted to tell you all how helpful this is. My spouse does not want to tell anyone about this which leaves me quite isolated with my own fears. It’s probably the most taxing moment of our marriage (25 years). Any other thoughts about how to handle the keep it secret approach???

It's his choice to keep it secret but I told as many people as possible because, if it weren't for an alert doctor who did a PSA test as part of my physical, things would have been a lot worse for me down the road. Many guys don't even KNOW they should have this test. Spreading awareness is important.

Also, having a friend or two to help can take some of the load off you.

However, you should ultimately respect his choice.

@dannysbraid I can say honestly that when I first posted on this site I did know what to expect but the support here has been amazing. We told family & very close friends beforehand but you should respect his wishes if he doesn’t want to share. It’s very personal, and it can be very difficult emotionally. My hubby & I are very close so pretty much discuss everything in detail with each other 😳 When people do learn about it they offer all kinds of advice - it’s a lot to process & research.
You’ll be emotional- it’s a roller coaster. Perhaps one of the support groups on here might be helpful?
Wishing you both well & Hope surgery is a success

Interesting bringing up the keep-it-a-secret thing.

I told everyone.

First on the list was my brothers in Australia (took a while to get hold of them).
They say that if you have a family member with prostate cancer, there's a higher likelihood of family members having it.
So I had to tell them that if they're ever asked if there's a family history of prostate cancer, now they have to say yes.

On the other hand.... I had a work colleague (different suburb, so I rarely saw him) who was frequently away from work.
Nothing was said.
Next thing I hear... he's dead.
Esophageal cancer.

One of the horrible things about that is that by the time symptoms are noticed, it can be too late.
After his funeral, I asked colleagues why he didn't say anything.
Apparently he was still struggling to process the news himself.

It's a personal choice & that has to be respected.
But from my perspective, if people know about it, they can recognise when I'm struggling & make allowances for that.
That's why I told everyone from the biopsy onwards.

Same as @scottbeammeup . My mom was in her early 80s at the time, and I called her right after I called my spouse. My spouse called my kids, and my mom called my siblings. Then my older daughter called friends and neighbours to organise a meal train for my spouse, so there would lots of food in the freezer for her to eat while she was spending much of her non-work time visiting me in hospital for the next few months.

We didn't even know what kind of cancer it was yet, but there was no doubt I was going to need a lot of support to get through whatever happened next. And I got it (as did my spouse and other family members). I pay that forward now whenever I can.

Of course, I would always respect someone's decision to keep cancer private, but I wouldn't recommend it (if asked): cancer's a battle you don't have to fight alone.