I only have a few minutes as my sweet hubby with Lewy Body Dementia is doing too much on a Saturday morning. The VA told me that they rarely audit spouses, but can at anytime. I put all my husband's VA money in a separate account and write checks from that account for expenses for supplies, caregivers, etc. I also use duplicate checks as my record. That is the only record I keep, and the only one I think they will need to see, other than bank statements if they are requested. They have not monitored or mentioned anything about the money in over 4 years - but I have received amazing raises each year, and for that i am very grateful. My hubby did sign over a durable power of attorney before he was too sick to do so, and I applied through the courts for legal guardianship of him after he became unable to speak for himself. I have used the POA more than the guardianship. I would not worry about being monitored because I am sure you are doing everything correctly. One thing I did do was to apply for Home Based Direct Care. This is where the doctors, nurses, a physical therapist, social worker, and dietician come to your home. It became unsafe to take my husband to the clinic for the mandatory visits. At first it seemed overwhelming to have so many people in the home, but most of them only come once a year, and they have all been very helpful. They have orederd gloves, wipes, real depends, bedpads, a nice scale, bathroom shower chair, a pill crusher, etc. This saves so much more money and time since I dont have to worry about purchasing these things or even trying to find them. Supplies arrive at our door on a monthly basis. This home care opened up more benefits and still allowed the VA to check on him without it seeming intrusive. We are getting much more respite care (someone comes here to help when I need to leave and this is scheduled on a regular basis free of charge and we were able to choose the respite person), and they are also paying a large part of the one of the caregiver's salary which frees up more money to hire additional help. Don't worry about the VA, they are definitely very helpful about caring for the ones that did so much and sacrificed for our country. I will add that the DAV was the most helpful group at helping me with the paperwork to get these programs started.
Hoping this helps, and I applaud you for caring so deeply. This is a hard journey and anything that will make it easier is the right choice..and ask more questions- we are all here to help!