Laura,
I have two children who went through similar experiences. I am sure I would have as well, had there been diagnosis and support for AuHD in the '60s and '70s. I now have a master’s in education and am working on an Autism post graduate certificate.

You are doing all the right things based on the current research, but the body of research is quickly growing (though may be slowed a bit by federal cuts). There are links between Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, Turrets, and other cognitive disorders. They are often difficult to sort out and develop specific treatments for. The good news is they are similar enough that the basic supports can help everyone.

I am sorry his father is not accepting of an autism diagnosis. It is not a bad thing. I am diagnosed with Autism, ADHD, general anxiety disorder, and gender dysphoria. I am doing just fine, very well in fact.

Knowing how to talk about issues in a medical framework allows you to better communicate with service providers, shape accommodations at college and in future housing, etc. I wasn’t initially accepting of my own kids diagnosis and I now regret that.

From a resource/service perspective, you are doing the right things. Be wary of anyone who talks about curing autism or that treats is as a disease. It is simply something that we are. We don’t “have” autism, and it cannot be treated like a broken leg. I would also be wary of Applied behavior analysis (ABA), for some of the same reasons. While quality of life is an important part of any therapies, the focus on something being “wrong” is not helpful.

Most of my writing focuses on my gender dysphoria and transgender journey, but I am available through Substack if you would like to reach out directly. I have way more to say than I have room for, or willingness to put in a public forum. https://clararies.substack.com/