Hello, I’m not sure I feel I am in the right group as I myself a not on the spectrum, it is my 22 year old son. But there is such a positive feeling of community I’m going to tell Nate’s story and see how it goes.

He was a great baby, except loud noises, especially fireworks would cause a meltdown. That lasted until he was 8

When he was 4 he went to Montessori school. He did not participate in the activities or play with the other kids. They recommended another private school or public school, just didn’t feel he was the right fit for Montessori. The teacher told me about what I now know were risky sensory stimulating behaviors that ultimately led to 3 broken arms. He was very clumsy and was diagnosed as a tip toe walker with tight Achilles tendon. Told it usually accompanied a diagnosis of spectrum disorder or cerebral palsy. We did a lot of physical therapy. He showed many sensory symptoms, tags on clothes, only like satin sheets, etc

From a very early age he was EE, ‘doubly exceptional’. Great at math but struggled to read. Gifted and talented math classes and remedial English classes . Fortunately, we lived near university of Virginia which had a great Saturday program for both reading and math. At a late age, he suddenly picked up reading and is now a voracious reader. Also at PTs recommendation got him a fidget seat for school which the teachers say helped

He continued to have friends until about fourth grade, when his friends seemed to vanish or outright didn’t want to play together anymore. It was right around the time parents stopped making the play dates and kids decided for themselves. Unfortunately this was also the time his dad abruptly left the family. My son worshipped his father, and although he saw him 2 days a week, it was generally with the new girlfriend and his sister, no more one on one time.

In fifth grade there was some bullying behavior, so i switched him to a private boys school, lots of one on one time. Also they had a sports period daily as well as recess daily. This seemed to help. He could do the math problems in his head but had a lot of problems showing his work and struggled with organization and time management. He began to show difficulties with transitions and I suspected he had an Asperger’s like form of autism. I found a lot of products on the web, timers that mapped out the time in visual space, that I would set 30 prior to transitioning, fidget toys and so on.

He was diagnosed with depression and sent to the kluge center, a children’s branch of UVA. He was diagnosed with autism and placed in group therapy with kids much less functional than he was. He and his father had a BIG problem with this therapy and the diagnosis of spectrum disorder overall. He told Nate he did NOT have autism and refused permission for him to attend any more therapy.

Since that time I have been seeing a therapist versed in autism on my own, to learn more about Nate’s mind and how to help him, as he agrees with his dad and has still to this day refuses to accept or even discuss the possibility of neurodiversity.

The private school was a middle school and when he graduated he went back to public school. Organization became more of an issue, despite all the help I tried to give. The last two years were virtual because of the COVID lockdown.
I took him to a pediatric neurologist at Hopkins who diagnosed cerebral palsey, but all the doctors and therapists disagree and believe he is a classic case of high functioning autism.

During that time he discovered video games and has had several online friendships than have endured years, he even went to 2 across country trips with his online friends to conventions for video gamers.

He is now 22, lives with me and goes to community college with a goal of being a computer programmer. He works part time as a lifeguard. He is socially awkward but reasonable and I think he does a lot of masking, as social situations tire him out quickly. I have friends with sons his age but he refuses to meet them, I think he is nervous and anxious, but otherwise don’t know why he won’t engage. At times I can tell he yearns for more of a social life and has expressed the desire for a girlfriend.

I think he has a lot of potential and know there is help for him to be a more vibrant community member and to fulfill his potential if he would give in to the idea of spectrum disorder a chance. It’s been years now, I’m not sure it will ever happen.

Any help you can give me to help him would be greatly appreciated

Laura