Your story is awful. Don’t know where you live, but I would seek out THC/medical marijuana. You have no choice. I have not gone to a doc for a card yet, but I am going to after my next appt next Friday. I’m even a recovering person. I’ve heard that the ideal “place” to be found is where you take the least dose that does not make you stoned (high), but have a feeling of well being. That’s why I sought out the knee replacement! Of course, we all get to choose our limits. Sometimes I feel like I’d rather not live with this mess, but then I have a god cry, tell a friend, snap back, and focus on one small task/victory. God bless you.