My IRA isn't a community asset.
I didn't earn the money in it after we married, but before, years ago.

All money I have taken out of it has gone first into my checking, I had before we married, and then into our bank accounts which co-mingles it. It has been very easy to see a trail of what I spent it on: all our fun, our trips, our property taxes, our land, our house, our furnishings, etc.

Any money that stays in my IRA? I owned before marriage and is not community property.

I have kept strict records so as to easily see where any co-mingling has occurred.

His furnishings, house- which both had loans on, and car before I married him were pretty much "junk" or at most "very frugal" and very poorly maintained; stuff was growing out of the house gutters and his garage was literally falling down.

Now he is going to walk away with:
enough money to easily replace that house with something way better than the one that was falling apart around him due to his laziness; and a whole lot nicer furnishings and a NEW 2024 car.

He says won't pay me back for the 2024 car I paid cash for right out of my IRA last year. Stupid me.

He never mentioned he was unhappy until very recently.
I see - and admit - the writing on the wall. Finally.