My IRA isn't a community asset.
I didn't earn the money in it after we married, but before, years ago.

All money I have taken out of it has gone first into my checking, I had before we married, and then into our bank accounts which co-mingles it. It has been very easy to see a trail of what I spent it on: all our fun, our trips, our property taxes, our land, our house, our furnishings, etc.

Any money that stays in my IRA? I owned before marriage and is not community property.

I have kept strict records so as to easily see where any co-mingling has occurred.

His furnishings, house- which both had loans on, and car before I married him were pretty much "junk" or at most "very frugal" and very poorly maintained; stuff was growing out of the house gutters and his garage was literally falling down.

Now he is going to walk away with:
enough money to easily replace that house with something way better than the one that was falling apart around him due to his laziness; and a whole lot nicer furnishings and a NEW 2024 car.

He says won't pay me back for the 2024 car I paid cash for right out of my IRA last year. Stupid me.

He never mentioned he was unhappy until very recently.
I see - and admit - the writing on the wall. Finally.

@daveshaw It looks like @slarson14 responded. I wanted to add that what happens in a divorce in terms of dividing assets is determined by the state where the divorce is filed. States in the U.S. differ in what is community property and how that is determined.