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He wants a divorce; we are both turning 70
Just Want to Talk | Last Active: Sep 7, 2025 | Replies (68)Comment receiving replies
We are civil to each other as we are both adults who know life is too short for either of us to be less than all we can be.
I committed to providing a safe place for women, a Christian retreat if you will, may years ago when I was baptized as an adult. Apparently he didn't take me seriously when I talked about my retreat dreams but when I make commitment to God, I will do whatever it takes to provide what I've promised.
This week many things have been discussed and many things have happened which further re-enforced our belief that this is the best course of action.
We paired up when neither of us were "whole". We have helped each other grow the most we can. I can no longer live with someone I cannot fully trust or someone who is explosive and throws things when he is frustrated or angry.
Further, he will be unable to honor my wished to never place me in a nursing home and I know he would be a terrible caregiver because over the last ten years he has shown me he is basically a lazy person who constantly says: "This is good enough" rather than "I did the best I can". When I am debilitated or in a wheelchair I won't be able to live with my personal hygiene and meals just being "this is good enough - in his eyes". I want a partner who's best is my best, and we are far from that. And he is too cheap to hire and supervise GOOD assistance or come check on me in a nursing home if I happen to go to one.
Maybe I am being petty....but our standards are so different it scares me I will end up with a backside full of bedsores and septic within 6 months of entering a nursing home. Or he will forget to feed me because baseball is on.
I am a realist. I'd rather be alone than depend on him for anything vital like my well being. After all, when we married, who was forced to pay the insurance premiums to ensure I could pay off our mutually held house? Me. He said it "wasn't important" to him, so he said "If you want it buy it." That certainly isn't love...in my eyes.
Am done; I can be civil and happy while the house sells. I have a best friend who has offered me a place until I can find a job and she needs me to drive her places and be company for her. We are a bit like sisters.
I did get an interview with a school district and got hired. This is only the second job offer and hire in 12 years after disability. It is a sign from God that he also thinks I need to move on.
Replies to "We are civil to each other as we are both adults who know life is too..."
@slarson14 Thank you for this update. I'd like to share the pride I have for you in advocating and taking care of yourself. The post from yesterday is in contrast to your initial post and a few after that. It feels to me that while you are allowing yourself to be sad and angry you are making room for civility within the house. Your priority is taking care of the practical and financial issues that will most affect you now and in your future. And Bravo 👏 to you for your new position with the school district. Wit your best friend who has offered you a place to stay, her friendship, and transportation you are setting yourself up to have a good life.
This reminds of a saying I have often thought about over the years. "The best revenge is living a good life". There have been times over the years when I was so angry at work or in personal relationships that I thought I wanted revenge. But that isn't me. And it's not you. The sign from God is powerful.
Not petty. Reality oriented
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slarson14 hang on to whatever is left of your IRA and don’t let that man manipulate you into staying any longer. He may try that, now that you have a job and he can see you as a source of income for him again.