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* High anxiety and depression *
Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: Feb 18, 2017 | Replies (29)Comment receiving replies
Dear abby, i just read this and want to say that i truly understand and am in a somewhat similar situation and i am the same age as you. I have such a complex history so i will just address one issue at a time. All of your responses are worth considering . i just moved to a tiny mountain town in southwest colorado. I left all my support system in asheville, north carolina. I was doing a lot of volunteer work as a rape crisis advocate and worked in trauma intervention as well. My husband is 11 years younger and still works, as a chef, but the economy has taken a toll on us and we are trying to recover.
My eldest son completed suicide last august. For economic reasons we had already planned this move to colorado. I had only 4 weeks in asheville to deal with his death , with a support system around me.
I have had a difficult time here because there are no resources in terms of traumatic grief. I did find a therapist who works only with what is called traumatic and complex grief....meaning suicide, murder and PTSD . however, my copayment is too much to pay as i would need quite a bit of therapy. I have a lifelong history of gengetic and clinical depression and have always taken meds and had all kinds of therapy.
Here is my point. Since leaving my support system i have been declining in my mental and even physical health. This is not a place where i can recover. I do have a church and that helps. But that is not the kind of help i need. If i could go back to north carolina and back to my support groups and friends, i would.
Yes, i have two other sons. They do not choose to be of help in any way. I have no blood family to turn to. So......if you continue to feel these complex feelings and if you are not eating, sleeping, and not going out....you might consider going back to a safe place where you can find the support you need
Replies to "Dear abby, i just read this and want to say that i truly understand and am..."
"Pug" .... you make a lot of sense. I would just love to have another dog, but Molly was a rescue from a puppy mill .... she was 4 and the day after I got her, they were going to shoot her ..... she was no longer producing "perfect" pups. She was a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, and even the older ones now go for about $600-$800 ..... the pups can be from $1200 on up. They've got the most wonderful disposition and have become very popular.
abby
Hi amber. I am replying to your feelings about staying where you are, and also about your daughters. Yes, you do have the right, and the word is definitely RIGHT to happiness now. I think you have already found the answer to this situation you are in. I think it just might be a bit difficult for you to put yourself and your very own life first. You have a condo to live in, and a hometown that you have a church and i agree that it will take you no time at all to feel comfortable again and connect with your old and new friends.
I am telling you from a ton of personal experience that after 16 months....to give it more "time" is not going to change a thing. I have done that so many times.....and of course i was told to keep giving it more time. Please know i am not advising you what to do. I am telling you from many years of trauma, time did not help me...when i found myself in the wrong place at the wrong time. I did not have a choice since my husband is a chef and he keeps getting relocated. I so wished i had a choice...a place that i already had to live, like your condo, and familiar and comforting things around me.
From what you are saying, you now have a choice. But that would mean stepping out in faith. That is not easy especially when you have concerns regarding your daughters. I am thinking that you would be a wonderful role model for your daughters if you would follow your very own path, and take back your inner power. You did mention your ex husband and you did say that you did pretty much what he wanted, no matter how you felt. I think that is what you meant. It could even be that your daughters expect you to do what they want....not what you want. Maybe they could automatically assume that you are supposed to do what they want also, like you did when you were married. It would be understandable if that is true. I just looked at the first few sentences you wrote. You said you wanted to go back home. And then you said that it would be a slap in the face to your daughters.
I have two adult sons that needed some "tough love" from mom. They both wanted me to do what i did not want to do, even though they knew i would be miserable. This was not too long ago, and i did not want to lose my sons. But when i realized that my age was 72, and i really have had such a traumatic life up till then, and i did not want to die in a place i did not want to be.....and i so wanted to experience joy at least one time in my life.....i made the only choice that i absolutely knew in my heart was right for me, not for them. If they were inconvenienced by my choice....well, that is the tough love part. I decided to not do what they wanted because that would be wrong for me. They have their own lives to live and i had mine. So i did what was right in my heart for me.
So....one does not speak to me at all, and the other one is so offended, and so wants to tell me how to live, that he too is barely speaki g to me. The way it is now, i am where i want to be, because of my husbands work. I do now have a church family and i am on this forum for support and to feel connected to others. In my own mind, i had no choice but to let my sons be inconvenienced, and to find my own happiness because i really deserve it. You deserve it. Abby. Hugs
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Thank you georgette for sharing that ..... sounds like you and I are both in similar situations ..... it's not fun. At this age I feel I have the right (probably the wrong word) to some happiness. My marriage was so difficult .... I was basically "little goody two shoes" listening and "obeying" everything my now x-husband said .... narcissistics are ALWAYS right, so they think ..... and they refuse to even try to look at their piece of the problem. So now, here I am, in a place I don't like, around people who are not friendly at all (they consider me a Yankee), no church - which was a big part of my life, and absolutely no support system at all. I really want to go home to my condo, but I do feel like it would be a slap in the face at my girls. I dread the thought of this being the place where I will live out my days. I just wish I had never relented and moved down here. I have applied for a low-income apt. a few miles from here, and I really hope I can get it. I had to put my sweet dog - Molly, to sleep about 6-7 months ago. I still have 2 cats. People keep saying "give it time, you'll adjust" .... well it's been 16 months now and nothing has changed. At least I know I'm not the only one struggling with something like this.
abby