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* High anxiety and depression *
Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: Feb 18, 2017 | Replies (29)Comment receiving replies
Abby, do you receive Social Security payments from your husband? You can if you aren't now. Check with the Social Security office near you. That may help you financially which may also help your depression. You only have to have been married for 10 years.
Next, practice with your therapist how to talk to the daughter you feel closest to. You may want her to go to one of your sessions with you. I did that with my son when I visited him in Boston where he lives. It really helped our relationship. Im 68 and my husband and I just moved back to California from a small town in Missouri where we built and ran a bed and breakfast for 16 years. I was born and grew up 60 miles from where we lived and was so happy to move there. However, we were never accepted by the community. I was told that I was intimidating because I am educated (Masters degree in Organization Management) and so people dont like me. I am a kind and caring person, but they could never see that. We were accepted by the Amish community in the area, which made it possible to stay as long as we did. It has been wonderful to live back in California. People here are friendly and we have longtime friends in towns around us. Sometimes moving back is the best thing to do. Life is short and getting shorter for some of us. You should be as happy as you can be during this time of your life.
It must be very hard to not be able to share all of who you are with those you love. You know, the definition of love is accepting the other person exactly as they are, and exactly as they are not. Having to pretend to be someone you are not will also add to or even cause depression. When you cannot be authentically who you are, you will feel invisible. I know; I've been there. My recommendation is do what you want to do. Your family can visit you with only a 4 hour drive. Be with people who accept you unconditionally. Perhaps by being honest with your family, you'll role model for them how to be real and authentic. You can do this.
Gail
Replies to "Abby, do you receive Social Security payments from your husband? You can if you aren't now...."
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Wow, that was really a thought provoking reply, and I truly appreciate it. Yes, I do get part of my X-husband's S.S., but no other financial help. My lawyer told me early on that after a 40+ year marriage - raising 3 kids and not going back to work til our youngest went to college, I could "take the shirt off his back." Well, I had just prior to that received a substantial inheritance from my father, so I relinquished any further financial help I could have gotten. At the advice of a good friend, I went with a Financial Manager, who .... and this still makes me sick ...... was rather a "mini Bernie Madolf" .... and I wound up with less than 1/4 of what I had - all my Dad's money. And so, starting 10 years ago, I began to live, very frugally, using that and having a small part time job for awhile, which I can no longer do. I totally agree about sitting down with one of my kids, and even the possibility of taking one of them with me to a session, but I have no doubt they wouldn't go. They think they "know" ..... they don't really ... they have no idea the depths I've been to, or the times I've had to call a safe girlfriend to come sit with me because I was afraid to be alone with myself. They knew that one Sat. morning my closest friend took me to the hospital, and because I was not suicidal (that's what I told them), after a full day of questions by doctors, Nurses, etc., they had me attend daily group meetings for 4 weeks, from 9 - 3. I met the most wonderful group of people there. We immediately "knew" ..... we all were in the same boat and did not need to hide anything. But, while they know I went to this, they know nothing about it, nor seem to want to. I really think they're afraid of it.
Yes, I would like to be back in my condo in Frederick, but since this whole experience down here, I don't feel like I fit anywhere anymore. I don't fit here, and because I've been gone for over a year, I don't feel like I fit there anymore. I've always felt "different" all through my life due to my parents' alcoholism, and this just adds to it.
There is a big part of me that would like to move to some tiny town, far away from anyone - no forwarding address - and just be left alone for the remainder of my life.
Thank you so much and I will think about asking one of them to go with me, but I may not have the nerve, and if I do, I hate the thought of the expression on their face ... horror most likely. I feel like I wear a sign .... "I'm nuts."
abby