Thank you so very much for responding ..... it makes me feel less alone. To answer some of your questions ..... I lived in Frederick, MD for 30+ years, and it took 5 years of my kids hounding me to "move down here" for me to actually take the plunge. Little did I realize the pool had no water in it. My girls and I are close, closer to one of them than the other. I hear from the other one most often, usually daily I'll get an e-mail or call. My other daughter always was closer to her Dad (my X-husband after a 40 year marriage) and she has 2 children, one of whom she is home schooling, so she's very busy. My other daughter works in Charlottesville, but I hear from her and see her much more often. And ..... my X-husband moved down here too .... he built a big house in the country. We get along as best as we can, but it doesn't help any to know he's only about 30 minutes away. I also have a son, but he lives outside of D.C. so I don't see him very often. I don't want to sound dramatic, but my therapist actually told me I'd been clawing my way through life since I was little .... raised by an alcoholic mother and father, spend weekends in bars with them, married to escape and divorced 10 years ago - he has a personality disorder (Narcissistic), and now this. I have 2 cats, and up until a few months ago I had a dear little dog who I loved so much .... she was a rescue from a puppy mill - a 4 year old female Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. I had to have her put down due to congestive heart failure (common in the breed) ..... I so much want another one, but I don't want a puppy, and even the adults are over $600. I can't afford that. This town is nothing at all like Frederick ..... the people (at least the ones I've come in contact with) are very clannish .... they stick to themselves and their own families, and believe it or not, I am considered a "yankee."
I drive to Frederick every other Tuesday for an appt. with my therapist and also with my psychiatrist. I take 4 psychotropics.
This will sound harsh, but I think that yes, my girls love me ..... the main reason one of them especially wanted me to move down here was for her convenience. As I age, it will be a lot easier for her if I'm here rather than if she has to come to Frederick - a 4 hour drive.
I have never been able to sit down and REALLY have a heart to heart conversation with any of my kids about my depression and anxiety. If I even hint at it, they turn me off immediately. They don't want to hear about it. I think they're afraid it'll jump on them like a flea!
And .... the oddest part of this is ..... both my daughters are trained Social Workers. They're not practicing it now as one is home schooling and the other worked for a Nursing Home for 8 years and got burnt out, so she works in an independent toy store.
My church was the central part of my social life, but that denomination doesn't exist down here, and I've tried the ones closest to it and was received rather chilly-ly ..... clannish again. So, that's the deal. I could go back to Frederick, as I own a condo there and am presently renting it out; then I worry what if I do that and am still not happy. So, here I am .... I'm looking for a part time job, but once they find out your age - they can't ask outright anymore but once they see when you graduated from H.S. and college, they know. I know I'm not eating well .... I don't want to cook and eat mostly TV dinners.
Again, thanks so much for responding .... I really appreciate hearing from you.
abby