retired guy and surf to health
thank you both so much

Retired guy: you and I share a few things ( I am 71 we both had RARP and incontinence and perineum pain ) I hate incontinence it is slowly ( very slowly) getting better. as soon as I think I am at a better place and start to lift things or move around too fast I am reminded quickly that I am likely half way there (hopefully) (talk about knowing one's limitations..)

It is ironic that you mentioned hernia and doctors that might not be too tuned into this whole mess

I thought I had a hernia about 3-4 months ago, went to urgent care the person there said she felt it; I should go to my primary care , primary care felt it, said I should get ultrasound and see a surgeon got ultrasound they could not find it so I put it off.

Then about month ago it was bothering me again and I felt a bulge, went to primary care , got imaging that confirmed it and then went to a surgeon. Surgeon said it is likely abdominal pain so I made another appointment with primary care for today and just got back right now. My primary care said I do have a hernia and I need to see another surgeon ( a more experienced one) which I will do

This really is kind of frustrating. I am in no hurry for more surgery but do not want to have to go to the ER one night in pain or worse with a blocked bowel. (I also need to have my gall bladder removed)
Anyway, ( I am venting some)
I wonder if (a) because I am in my 70s , some of the doctors shy away from surgery: tell old people to rest, take painkillers and see if gets better and/or (b) some general surgeons do not want to go in after RARP due to the many holes and scar tissue. My primary care did not come out and say it, but it sure seemed like she did not agree with the surgeon I just saw who said rest and watch things

I wonder since they removed my prostrate which was also enlarged, that some of my guts are still settling into new spaces or that my abdominal wall is thinner in a few places due to the surgery.

On a practical level, I will continue to do daily kegels but not core exercises like I was doing and will limit lifting heavy objects for a while

I really wish there were some urologists out there that spent careful time and attention to the year or so following RARP , that some would develop some expertise in incontinence, hernias following RARP and other minor and not so minor complications