Good morning, my fellow balance-challenged PN'ers!

On my mind this morning was honesty. Balance and honesty, Every so often each of us gets asked, whether asked by one of our doctors or by one of our truly concerned friends, "Has your balance gotten any worse?"

More often––maybe as often as several times each day––it's the same question we ask––privately––of ourselves, "Has my balance gotten any worse?"

I have tricky time––not a impossible time, but a tricky time––trying to answer that question honestly. My butt-in-ski ego keeps butting in. My ego demands that I answer, "No, dammit, my balance has not gotten any worse! I'm as steady on my feet today as I was six months ago. As I was a year ago. As I was when I was first diagnosed with PN."

But am I being truthful? That's the real $64,000 question that keeps spinning round and round in my head––as it has been doing this morning. (The neurologist, who recently changed my medication, emailed yesterday to ask if I've noticed any changes in my balance. I emailed back: "No, no changes, none whatsoever,"

But now I'm wondering did I answered honestly. Part of me thinks I did. But there's another part of me that wonders if I'm aware of any changes––any worsening of my balance––would I have told him? Or would I have fibbed? And if so, why? Because I'd not want to disappoint my doctor? Or …

… Or would I not have told my doctor the truth because my ego says I mustn't. Because my ego says I'm tough. My ego says, "So what if your balance is a little worse? Why bother your doctor with that? Why bother anyone with that?

"Most of all why bother yourself with some ridiculous suspicion that your balance may have gotten a little worse? After all, what good's that going to do?"

I'll leave it at that. Just another day of me going round and round on my PN carousel. 🙂

Ray (@ray666)