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← Return to Survivor guilt (?)
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Prostate Cancer | Last Active: Oct 10 10:53am | Replies (46)
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I don't feel survivor's guilt per se but there are a few people I know that died unexpectedly and there are things I wish I had said to them. I really try hard now to let family and friends know I love and appreciate them.
My biggest guilt is probably that my mom had to die among strangers from COVID and we weren't allowed to see her and that I had to attend her funeral on Zoom which was awful--she deserved so much better. If I had to do it again, I would get some scrubs and sneak into the hospital to see her consequences be damned.
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That is terrible. I was in hospital post-surgery for two prolonged COVID outbreaks and ward lockdowns in 2021-22 (no one allowed in the room except nurses and cleaning staff in biohazard suits), and while I didn't contract COVID myself at the time, I really felt for the people whose lives were ending in those conditions. You can't imagine what the isolation feels like until you've experienced weeks of it. And your scrubs thing might not have worked: they stationed a security desk and locked door at the my ward entrance each and checked everyone entering, so don't feel bad about not trying that.
In the end, it's your whole life together that counts, not just the last days or weeks. I know you had many good years and decades with your mom, and I hope those memories far outweigh the short, difficult end. ❤️