I am having a hard time adjusting my attitude. My husband is very smart, a writer and editor, very funny, and usually charming in a number of ways. He loves to tell stories and our guests/friends/family don't see any real difference in him except a lost word or name or in one case only, telling the same story twice on the same occasion. I'm having trouble relating to this new person and making connections with him. I find myself being angry that he can't remember the third time I answer a question within an hour, which is of course absurd, and the only way around it is humor, which actually works well but I can't always stop my immediate reaction that of course he knows... Then I feel I'm being cruel and I always apologize but that makes HIM feel bad. And if I'm calculating every response that seems like a very inauthentic way to relate to someone you love.
I also struggle with letting him continue to be useful in his old way of always doing the dishes and putting them away, putting away groceries, making the bed (that one is fine and easy to fix), taking out garbage, bringing in the mail, making coffee (in our expensive but extremely simple machine, and at least every week there's one disaster but so far not unfixable), etc. But that can mean vegetables going into the bread box where they're not seen for days, since I almost never eat bread. It can take hours for me to find something I use everyday. He loses his glasses at least ten times a day and gets frantic, yet never puts them in the appointed places and complains when he finds them that they don't let him see better than he does without them - he is legally blind and has been losing vision dramatically in the last year. There's nothing to be done about that. He's also quite deaf, and refuses to get hearing aids (I did convince him to be tested a few years ago when it was "mild" and optional, but that was then), so I am often shouting at him or over-articulating my endlessly repeated answers in a way that sounds sarcastic, which grieves me. We are both in our late 80s and fairly active. Having lost two of his senses and now much of his sense of taste is also very hard on him. He's very brave and usually doesn't complain or acknowledge any of it.
I have my own problems including low vision and I'm not very organized but have been trying to set up systems for medicines and other important things. I now hand him the crucial meds and we use Alexa constantly - she never tires of telling him the time, unlike me. He has Meta glasses which are terrific but will wear them only outdoors when he goes for walks. I have medical issues that keep me from coming along on these walks in our little town. I console myself that he has a very large brain and can afford to lose some of it and still be himself. At least for a while. He still makes me laugh several times a day, which is our usual way of dealing with the world. But this is not the same world.