Jon,

I am assuming you could not have friends or family visit you during your time in the hospital. It has helped me some that I can ask questions of those that were there and they have helped me put some things in perspective. It is nice, for example, to ask my mom about that time because she has helped with the timeline and clarifying what really happened.

It helps some to talk with others that have had this experience, and it help some to confide in my boyfriend when I feel really stressed by some of the memories. Still, this is my strange and scary experience that I will always live with.

Some of the things I remember are sort of funny, some are just odd, and a few are downright awful. Maybe some anti-anxiety medication would help if you mostly have scary memories. I take Ativan when I can’t sleep and it helps with the anxiety. I don’t like to use it often, but some nights reading doesn’t help and it doesn’t do me any good to be up for hours replaying stuff in my mind.

My current doctor and PA are supportive and understanding about that scary time and understand why it has been worse for me lately with all the covid stories stirring my head up.

I don’t think it hurts to try anything that might help you with the “visions”—medication, counseling, yoga, meditation....whatever. For me, unloading some of it on my boyfriend and the medication are what helps right now. At first the most helpful thing was questioning my mom, brother, best friend, and boyfriend about what happened. I needed to sort out what was real and what wasn’t.

Do you have paranoid memories? I think it is pretty universal to think the medical staff is “out to get you”. I also have really strange memories of being convinced that I was dead and stuck in something like purgatory. Later, I was convinced that I was mentally handicapped and would be sent to some group home. They always left the TV on and I could not determine what was really on TV and what my brain was creating. I don’t think TV was good for me during that time.

Michelle