The recent news stories about PICS have been fascinating and sad for me to read. I am glad that awareness is being brought to this syndrome, and I am sad that there was little to no awareness of this syndrome when I was experiencing it.

About two and half years ago I spent time in the ICU—about five days on a ventilator and a few weeks in care without a ventilator. I have spotty memories of this time. I received zero support from the hospital staff about the mental experience of this illness. When I was “crazy”, my dear friend and my brother figured out what was going on. I recall nurses being angry with me and one specifically saying what a waste it was that a young woman was now “retarded”. I had a hospitalist get frustrated and refer me to psych because she wanted to know why I was uncooperative. I had no idea what was going on and why I was so confused. Finally, I just “woke up” one day and felt like I could communicate and express my needs. Shortly after that I was released from the hospital.

I experienced cognitive issues after my release and spent time online trying to understand what was going on in my brain. I had a lot of trouble with spatial reasoning, memory, and anger. I still have memory deficits—I forget words and and struggle with math. The spatial reasoning has improved. I still have a shorter fuse than I did before. I often feel sad about all that happened. It is very validating to know that I am not crazy and that others experienced the same issues. I hope those that survive time in the ICU from Covid-19 will get the support they need.

Bless you all for sharing your experiences. It is healing to me read them.

Michelle