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Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: 4 hours ago | Replies (337)Comment receiving replies
Unfortunately, if you haven't experienced caring for someone with dementia, you just don't understand. My husband was originally diagnosed in 2003. I find by venting to my friends is not a good idea. They end up not liking him and occasionally say hurtful things about him. Yes, I complain about him but I am allowed because I love him. So I stopped sharing things about him. Now, I have no way of venting. I have tried therapists but don't feel they really understand what I am going through. Yesterday I found this group. They have given me more help in one day then I have received in the past 20+ years. Even my children (grown adults) don't understand. Dad looks fine to them. He is active and is still functioning physically. What's the big deal? But he can no longer reminisce about much of anything in our lives. It really isn't the lack of memory that upsets me. It is lack of being able to process, reason and make simple decisions. But he has good days. Then I start believing he is okay and it is all in my head. But he is not okay and soon he will show me that I was in denial. I just need to accept the good days and enjoy them.
Replies to "Unfortunately, if you haven't experienced caring for someone with dementia, you just don't understand. My husband..."
Pam,
Thank you for sharing from your heart. Yes, i love Linda, as well.
I could welcome being in a Group like you just found. Maybe the Alzheimer's Location i received a phone number from a realtor.
I have not called - at least 8 days have passed since knowing the number.
and, i just left a church of 5 years b/c there were Believers in Faith that have dismissed us since Linda's decline. She is sitting on her sofa and I on the love seat. She is on her phone for reasons i cannot even explain.
I went back to a prior church in which 3 people remembered us.
BUT YOU ARE CORRECT .... to not discuss her condition ...and i ended by saying that Linda "just needs your encouragement (underscored) and prayers ...
What do you do to have some free time? Just like last Summer, time is marching on ....like trying to get on with summer while still dong everything at home?
Keith
Psalm 34
I get what you are saying about no one understands and you feel you have no one to vent the mcd to. My husband has parkinsons and i thought oh he will lose ability to walk. Now MCD. I am not sure which is worst tbe parkinsons or MCD. I tried to cover up and fill in the gaps for him when he was in a conversation and he didnt respond to who was talking to him. They didnt know and probably thought he was disinterested in the conversation. It is tough to navigate and find that we get so called, "ignored or left out". It is due to folks not understanding these disease or possibly they dont care since they are sooo busy living the dream. For me, it is isolating and i miss conversing with my husband and because of the disease he says very little. You would be surprised at the sound of crickets is about all we hear. His MCD has overtook the parkinsons in my opinion made parkinsons more challenging. Although he can barely walk at a turtles speed with the walker and me next to him at all times. Sometimes i am convinced that it is MCD dominating the parkinsons.
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You have captured some of the challenges very well. I, too, have learned not to discuss my husband with friends. I would like to be able to share some of my concerns and sorrows but I don't want to invite them to make harsh judgments about him. Among the many surprises of this journey, the unkind comments from friends has been a low blow. I can also relate to your comment about thinking this is "all in your head." Sometimes he seems like his normal self and then he tells me he has no idea how to get home in a small community where we have lived for many years. Those moments can be crushing. I am looking for a self help group for carers of people with MCI. Similar to this but we could participate via Zoom and see each other at least on the screen. We participated in the MAYO HABIT program for MCI and the support group for caretakers was life/mind saving. Good luck everyone and carry on!