@amandacgrow Amanda, I will respond again tomorrow morning. Please know that I am thinking of you and am hopeful that over time you will again know joy. By the way, when you respond to me, start with: @muriel66 (note the spelling). Then write your thoughts. That way I will be notified that you posted on this website.
A Lebanese prophet (Kahlil Gibran) once wrote, "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. ...When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
Amanda, in time joy will return.
I will post again soon.
Muriel

@amandacgrow
Hello, Amanda.
It is likely that you have little time to care for yourself, while raising young children and upholding employment. In response to your interest in ways to heal the inner-self, I tell my story. Please do not take my actions for inward healing as prescriptive, as expectation, as imposition!

To heal my inners sorrow and fear, I needed psychological care from a licensed psychologist. Though at times, I did not feel he fully understood me, it was a tremendous benefit to talk weekly with a professional, compassionate caregiver. If you were to enlist this type of care for yourself, I suggest you see someone who not only understand the inner affects of physical trauma, but also someone who acknowledges the importance of grieving. The referral to see a psychologist was made by my primary care physician in my hometown.

I need spiritual care. A hospital chaplain began that care for me, and now I am fed by being with other believers in my hometown. Spiritual care swells through the love of the congregation, who accepted the 'new me' without placing expectations on me. Though the pastor, where I worship, seems unable to accept the limitations of my 'new life', she is supportive.

I also post spiritual statements in the house for me to see and quietly repeat. These remind me of God's divine presence and strength. It is by searching God for 'the new life' God gave me, that joy slowly grows within me. I now feel like I am on a treasure hunt with God, since I now know I cannot control life. Sudden severe septic shock clearly demonstrated that to me! Anyway, my previous attempts to control life were never satisfying.

I also practice a new mental skill for me. For a while, it was difficult to do, but has become easier over time. It is the mindset of 'living in the moment'. When I am overwhelmed or agitated, I remind myself to focus only on the moment or only on the day I am experiencing. Mayo Clinic has resources that help to understand and to encourage 'mindfulness'. Perhaps Annie Johnson can give you a link to resources. It is by 'living in the moment' that joy slowly returns to your heart and mind.

There are several other possibilities, but I do not want to overwhelm you. Again, the steps I take were ones I need. Over time, I hope you will be able to tell the practices that will assist you to heal inwardly, Amanda. Let's stay in touch. I am available to support you.

May a sense of inner-peace arise within you, even if for only a moment, as you live today.
Muriel