Amanda,

You can only live life one minute at a time. Some times what you feel is from escaping a near death experience as many who have put a post here have done. Just walk as much as you can and do somethings you love doing to relieve the depression. It takes time to heal, for me it was well over a year after my Quad bypass before I began to feel better.

I'll never forget when I was awakened during the first night and being asked to do things like write my name and indicate where I hurt. While I was awake for those few m minutes a second nurse stood at the foot of my bed and asked the first nurse what made my case so important and the first nurse told that other one he did not know why I was such a priority. I was laying there thinking this "Cuz, I was about to die you ID10T" but being intubated I could not shout at him to go about his own business. I was put back to sleep and my right hand was re-restrained so that tI did not attempt to remove the tubing from my mouth.

I went back to work after 3 months and wished I'd had far more time to recuperate. I just didn't have enough sick or vacation leave to stay home.

All of life is lived one minute at a time. One day you will suddenly notice the depression is gone. BUT...let your doctors know of your depression problems.

@amandacgrow I am attaching the following link that discusses the emotional aftermath of critical illness in a bit more detail. First and very importantly - you are not alone. I have heard many people who have experienced critical illness echo exactly what you are sharing. When you look so well on the outside, people will automatically assume that you are completely recovered. And then the pressure builds on you to play that part, right? Which can very easily feed right back in to more mental anguish.

Often times physical recovery happens much more quickly because we can SEE that you are sick, hurt, weak, etc. so we aggressively address that. But we can't SEE that same exact suffering that you experience emotionally and mentally so the treatment and interventions often lag behind. I am going to be working on tagging others on this forum that can help share their insights, as well as provide you with other links/discussions/sites that might be of some help.