On July 14th 2018 i had a allergic reaction to an unknown substance, i am allergic to shellfish but had none in my system. I woke up that morning with a few blisters on my left hand, I got ready and went to my little jewelry boutique. After I got there I contacted my significant other nd asked if he had any bug bites on his body as that is what I was thinking I had on my hand, he stated he did not, so he said that because of my history of anaphylaxis maybe I shold get checked out, i spoke with my daughters and she had the same idea for me to get checked out. So i headed to Red wing from River Fallls, just as i started to go across the bridge into RedWing I started to have breathing problems. My daughter is. 911 operator in the cities so I called her and told her to call the hospital and let them know that i was now having breathing trouble. She then stayed on the phone with me til I got to the hospital then hung up an left to come there herself. Before i left my boutique i had given myself my epi pen shots just as a precaution, when i got to the hospital i was really struggling to breathe they tried getting some IV’s in and getting me a nebulizer treatment to help with the breathing. I have had these reactions befor but this is the first one that he really rattled me and I thought i was going to die. After about 10 minutes they determined that they were going to have to incubate me and bring me to Rochester for a higher level of care. As they got ready to incubate me i knew what was coming as i had been a EMT for 17 years and knew the process well. The respiratory people showed up and there was a flurry of activity in the room, they laid me down and got me ready to incubate me i remember starting to feel the drugs starting to work annd then i woke up with the treach tube in but i was paralyzed, but could hear and feel everything they were dong to me. They were still having trouble getting a second V in and the Dr came in an slapped the IO box on the counter and stated that they would have to put an Interoseous IV in my shin and I knew from experience that this is painful unless you are out, ,how could i let them know i was awake and could feel everything, I couldn’t open my eyes or my mouth talk, move my hands or feet, i was scared to death at what was happening. A few minutes later i heard my daughters voice and knew she would help me, she noticed that i was answering my Dr’s questions by moving my head, and that there were tears coming out of my closed eyes. They kept trying to sedate me and they were not being successful finally they gave me enough ketamine in both arms for a 350 pound man, finally i was out but kept fighting to pull the tube out. I was then bundled up and restrained in soft restraints as i kept trying to pull my tube, i woke up the next afternoon with the tube still in and was told i had to breathe on my own for 1/2 hour before they would extubate me, i was still restrained and was gagging on this tube in my throat. Dr came a 1/2 hour later and said we had to wat another 1/2 hour by this point i was getting agitated but finally an hour later they extubted me and i was breathing good on my own. I stayed til Tuesday evening, went home then on Friday of that week i started to get a headache and earache, as the weekend progressed the earache got progressively worse by Sunday afternoon i was in unbearable pain, i went to the Urgent care on Monday morning as my clinic couldn’t get me in, I was told by the DR that I had shingles in my ear, i was then sent to ENT and they had to put a wick in my ear as the ear canal was completely swollen shut. I have had many surgeries but have never had pain this intense or hurtful. So since the onset of the shingles i have had several other medical issues rear their ugly heads, i have a granuloma on my vocal cords and have not had. Voice for over two months, i have been having nightmares nightly about the intubation process i am so afraid that it will happen again, I’ve lost weight i no longer have any desire to work at my boutique, i really do not want to leave my house at all my moods swings are really bad I’m really just s afraid that the intubation process will have to be done again and i will be awake and feel everything. My healing process has been really hard one the almost nightly nightmares are really starting to affect my daily life, i know I am depressed and i went to a phycologist and was telling her my problems that had happened and bou the nightmares and she laughed at me and told me to stop thinking about it If. Could do that I wouldn’t be feeling like. Want to jump off a bridge, Have made anther appointment with another therapist hoping he ill be better than the last one but I am tired feel quite crazy most days For me when t rains it pours and i just need a few sunny days instead of gloom and doom