@pamela78 This is a very difficult situation. I went through a similar situation with my father although he did not have a large estate. I wanted to help my father keep track of what savings he did have in his investments but he did not perceive my reasoning in that way. He was angry and said he thought I wanted to steal his money. In those days my father did not have or did not use any online access.

I’m not an attorney or a medical provider. I am going to share what attorneys have told me and I suggest you should get legal advice. From what you’ve shared you do not have guardianship or financial POA for your husband. So in a legal sense I believe you cannot work around your husband and go into his financial records without his consent. You did not share why you’d like to have access to your husband account(s). This is most important. You can ask your/his financial agent for your investments about what safeguards can be put in place if you are worried that your husband will transfer or take out large sums of money. Are you worried that your husband could fall for a scam?

Our investment advisor has shared with us how they keep up with the personal lives of their clients in an effort to prevent financial calamities. In our case this is in a small town and in a small bank where it’s very possible to do this. Our investment advisor also shared the safeguard they have in place.

Should you bring this up with your husband? I don’t know as he denies the diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease and this is unfortunately one of the symptoms of Alzheimer's disease. The denial of the illness. Will your husband become angry if you bring this up in a direct fashion? What do you perceive as the risk other than your own avoidance of confrontation should you talk directly with your husband about your worries and concerns?

If you can get this out in the open before the September meeting then by all means include your husband in the Zoom meeting. If you cannot talk with your husband before the meeting then I suggest you talk with your agent and your adult children about how to include your husband.

One last idea. Do you have a mental health therapist? If so, then this is a topic to discuss with your therapist.