This is a brief overview of what brought me to Mayo Clinic Hospital. May 1, 2016 I was flown from another hospital emergently to St. Mary's Hospital in Rochester after a traumatic intubation at another outlying facility, after I attempted to die by overdosing with hundred & hundreds of pills (April 29, 2016). This resulted in a tracheal tear. (I was in 3 hospitals in under 36 hours). The tear was over 2" in length. It was found no one had lived from an injury such as mine. I was admitted to CICU because the ET tube was 1/2 in the trachea & 1/2 outside of it allowing subcutaneous air surrounding the organs & compressing the organs, but my heart was having the most problems at that time. I had a tracheotomy done to place a trach in & allow the air to slowly escape. At that time an ET tube was inserted through the trach & mouth so each lung could be ventilated. The Surgeon who accepted me researched procedures & found there was none documented. She & her team came up with one & surgery was May 3, 2016. An incision was made just under the right scapula, above the 4th & 5th ribs under the axillae to the breast crease. The 4th rib was removed & the 4th & 5th rib muscles were drawn through a window to rebuild the trachea. My lungs couldn't oxygenate my blood so was put on ECMO. I remember nothing except a few small things from the day I overdosed. I have a few snippets of memories, brief seconds of lucidity, but remember the dreams and nightmares so very vividly. I can even still feel them & the emotions they elicited. It's almost impossible to explain them to anyone. When I was allowed to come out of sedation I couldn't lift my head, arms, or legs. I was terrified. I was on ECMO approximately 2 weeks & the ventilator for 2 1/2 weeks; I was decannulated May 27th just before being transported to another Mayo facility for swing bed rehab.

It's been a year of firsts for me. Being able to think clearly, make good decisions, not living in the black hole of depression & building a life worth living are all things I'm doing for the first time in 15 years.

It is my heartfelt desire to meet the team of professionals who saved my life & thank them for their part in returning life to me. I want them to know they didn't put "Humpty Dumpty together" so I could kill myself. I want them to know I have not thought about hurting myself or ending my life. I need to do this to start the next chapter of my life & close this one. Have any of you done this? I went back to St. Mary's & met & thanked some of my nurses; it was so cathartic to do this. They remembered me, we cried together.

I have some more questions to ask but maybe I will find the answers as I continue to read everyone's posts. Thanks for allowing me to talk. I don't have anyone to share with who would understand my thoughts & feelings.