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Post-Intensive Care Syndrome (PICS) - Let's talk
Intensive Care (ICU) | Last Active: Sep 16 7:52pm | Replies (609)Comment receiving replies
Hi everyone. For seven months now I have been searching for something and I just don't know what it is. I had an elective surgery on Sept 7 that went horribly wrong. I'm still recovering, if that's what this is. I live at home with TPN each night to keep me alive. My abdomen is still healing with a wound vac from my seventh surgery since my original elective one. I was septic starting on Sept 8. I don't remember ever waking up from the first surgery. I don't think I ever did. I don't remember any of the rest of the month of Sept. There are bits and pieces, but I don't even know if they are real or not. I should be dead. That's what the Drs said. They had written me off....Left they room at one point and told my three young daughters I would not make it. They, along with the rest of my family, were in the room as they were trying to revive me. I don't remember any of it. Thank goodness. All I remember is darkness. Nothingness. When I became aware finally, I was paralyzed still from the meds. Couldn't walk or talk either because of the tubes in my throat. No one told me what happened so I was very confused as to where i was and why. Every organ in my body shut down, except my heart. That went into overdrive and they couldn't even slow it down.i guess I had several reasons to live. I still have many health issues, not even close to recovery. But, I can walk and talk again and I'm just now trying to make sense of it all. I was in the hospital initially for 68 days. Then again, off and on, since then. A week here. A few days there. Still confused. Still cry all the time. I have scars all over my body. They'll never fade. I'm still trying to make sense of it all.
Mouse355
Replies to "Hi everyone. For seven months now I have been searching for something and I just don't..."
@mouse355, I am so glad you found this conversation. Your description of your experience is essentially the definition of post-intensive care syndrome or PICS. We have started a page for PICS with more information added often that you can find at https://connect.mayoclinic.org/page/pics/
You went through so much. It can take months to years to process the events surrounding your critical illness. This forum, and all of us are here to be ears, hearts, and support for you.
@mouse355 I am so happy that things are improving for you. You really have been through so much but it sounds as if you are now getting through it, thankfully. It's not always easy to be strong and to be hopeful but it sounds as if you are both.
JK
@mouse355 I want to make sure you know you are not alone with what you are experiencing following everything you've been through. I've recently posted on that exact topic at: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/am-i-alone-in-this/. It can also be very helpful to meet others who share similar stories. Have you ever considered attending a peer support group to help you work through some of this?
Connect
@mouse355, Welcome to Mayo Connect. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. On Connect we share our experiences and we learn from others who have similar experiences. We are here to listen and to support each other.
Your story and your determination are remarkable. Your body has a lot of recovering yet to do. It can be a slow journey. As far as the memory part, you are not alone. It is indeed frightening and bothersome. I believe that in time, as you continue to heal and become active that they will slowly drift to the background of your daily thoughts. My experience was 8 years ago during organ failure pre transplant. I have been able to fill in some memory gaps by talking with family members, but they really don't like to talk about that painful time. I was able to fill in some information through my medical records. I cried a lot early on. Even today, after 7 yrs, I still get emotional.
I send you peace and a hug, and strength for healing,
Rosemary