@monster
May experience the narcissist was that I too was married to one. I tried to save my marriage and went through two different counselors only to fail. Neither brought up or considered her narcissim.

She brought up everything I do wrong or does not like and I would change to accommodate but was never enough she would go on to another issue even if so minor.

My suggestion if you can do to counseling by yourself and talk about possibly being married to a narcissist and describe the symptoms they can help you deal with this. Of course the narcissist is going to need counseling to change that personality disorder and I hate to say a narcissist does not see themselves as having any problems it is you and others.

I know when a physicatrist made a suggest to my ex wife she blew up. She refused to see him again saying he was a quack. Try to reserach the topic and see what you can do. I do suggest seeing a therapist and dealing with this one on one and hopefully you can talk your spouse into going to therapy but get the advise of your counselor how to say that as you are dealing with a narcissist.

Please refer to extensive previous discussions in this Mayo Chat. There are lots of links.
eg.