My wife is enjoying her brand new baby. I really wish I could be there to hold her. I love newborns. I talked with the therapist this morning, and I know that with some time and effort, I'll be able to work on some issues. Right now, I'm at the lowest point I've been for several years, and I don't want to lose the ground that I've made. Major Depressive Disorder is quite different from a funk, or the blues, or a down day. It's something that just doesn't let up. It took me years to step up from a 5 to a 6. Ten would be the greatest day of my life. 5 means that I think about suicide, but mostly as a concept, rather than a compulsion. 6 means that I'm not so focused on death, and I feel up to doing something useful, like yard work or house painting or home improvement projects. When I sit down, the feelings of sadness and guilt and so on, return. I find it hard to feel enjoyment when I finish a job. It's just one more thing to cross off my list. I used to really feel happy when I did that.

I have to get up early to get some new tires put on my pickup, so I need to stop writing and get some sleep. Thanks for listening. Before I leave, though, I need to say that words that are intended to be helpful are often just irritants. Things like be happy, stay active, keep your chin up, keep your eyes on Jesus, think positive thoughts...

Those words tend to make me feel worse, guilty, unsupportive, hopeless. If those things actually helped, I'd be a jolly old man. But they don't. They have the opposite effect of what is intended.

Jim just saying.

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