Diagnosis was a shock, especially after the pathology came in and my second & third opinions were equally grim. Robotic surgery was easier than expected with no complications. I was in a Keytruda trial that I got (or didn’t?) with my chemo until the lymph node metastasis got me kicked out. Then two separate LN surgeries by two different doctors. An infection followed and I had a drain when I started radiation. Honestly, the drain bothered me more than the treatment. The experience of it all made me feel like I was living in a bad movie, not in the here & now. I couldn’t talk about my cancer without crying and told my friends to stop asking. When going out I put on my “mask” as I had put on my wig, feeling like an actress playing a part. Sleep was difficult, with my mind racing into horrible scenarios. Meditation, yoga, and support groups are not for me and I was unmotivated to exercise, though I now force myself to spend an hour a week at the gym.
Based on my experience, my suggestion to you is to
call a support group social worker. Or two. That was the first time I felt able to fully purge and feel understood. A 1:1 cancer mentor and, more recently, a therapist, have also been helpful. I try to do what makes me happy, not what others expect of me. “Until
you’ve walked in my shoes….”
Oh, and I also drop the F bomb a lot! There was a recent study that showed its benefits, so no guilt! 😉