Jim- did someone find out how she is yet? and how many MG did she take. May Gods peace and love be with her, and the love of all her friends- JJAMES

Gail said she sent an emergency email to Colleen, and I sent her a message, too. Georgette said she took 4 Valium.

Thank you johnjames for your concern and i didn't think to call the crisis line. I just needed to zone out and i don't drink or use drugs except prescribed. I am just totally in the wrong environment for resources, i guess. I did tell my husband that i was going to take 4 valium but he is a guy who is not comfortable with emotions. And he is not the father of my children.

Oh, i did finally realize that my youngest son's father also killed himself by hanging just as my son Eddie did. I have worked on crisis lines for years so i actually am aware of my behavior and increasing dysfunction. I guess i am mixing these two suicides. I have thought of checking into the hospital but i am not actively suicidal and am not a harm to anyone and do not have a plan and all the prerequisites, so to speak.

I am totally aware that i need some help here, and i feel like i am just kinda watching myself in a movie. Another thing. I did just finish reading "No Time to Say Goodbye" , Surviving the loss of a loved one, by Carla Fine. Broadway Books, division of Random House. I had to order it from the library.

She said that the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders , states that "the level of stress resulting from suicide loss is ranked as catastrophic, equivalent to a concentration camp experience."

I know that survivors of suicide loss have a high incidence of suicidal thoughts and completion than the rest of the population. I am very careful about all this, but i can't quite solve or resolve this. I will post another reply.

Good to hear from you @georgette12. I admire your keen self- awareness.

georgette- I will be writing more to you-tomorrow afternoon, I had eye surgery today and can see a little out of one eye. But I wanted you to know How sorry I'am for (all) your loss- I have loss good buddies from the last two wars-to suicide, but losing a family member is far worse and it never goes away, but I believe we can learn to live on with a life that will help others-as we try and find joy and meaning in the time we have left here on Gods Earth. We have suicide support groups in the Military- but it really comes down to one other friend( what we call a Battle buddy- to work with, have coffee together and hold each other accountable- plus have some fun together also. God knows in this world we need a real friend that we can count on- and who will love us unconditional. I know God loves me that way always, but as a human He made us ( I believe) to still need love from another human (S) while we are here-to help carry our burden. Thank you for sharing- that takes allot of courage and care for yourself and for others, If any of us can help-please ask ( you are not a burden and Colleen will help with the process) OK. in my prayers JJAMES

Hi Georgette- How was your day? did you happen to start a list of possible safe places- you would feel good in? If I can say- when a person is feeling so worthless and alone- it hurts, and I really mean "Pain", Dr Edwin Shneidman- from UCLA -in his book " Suicide As Psychache" talked about all his research around pain within the pain, when someone is really hurting, they tune every thing else out- not because they don't care-, but they are trying to find a way to stop the Psychache, Another reason to have a safe place to think, reaason with ourselves, pray and keep a journal of our thoughts and successes. If you would think about sharing what your days are like- is there one thing that keeps you from finding peace or an enjoyable few hours? I would respect and love to hear your thoughts. JJAMES