Johnjames, thanks so much for telling us about the pain specialist . i am praying that you will have more and more strength each day. I did not know that there are service dogs specifically for psych issues. I am going to look that up. My english bulldog serves the purpose for now. I lost my bassette hound last year at the age of 14. Long life for a bassette. My chow mix had also passed 6 months earlier. I got my puppy before gracie died because i knew i wouldn't do well when she passed. I stayed with my chow, louie, and of course with gracie as i had to make the decision to let each of them go. I still can't look at their pictures because it is still too traumatic. But louie did live 11 years which is long for his breed.

Oh...i used to work in rehab/hospice/alzeiheimers (wrong spelling there) facilities and we brought in petting zoos for our patients. We actually brought into the building and even up the elevator a llama, goat, pigs and rabbits and all sorts of unusual animals. They sat on the beds (well, not the llama and goat)! And everyone came out of their yukky mental and physical stuff they were dealing with. Even me! I carried a baby pig around all day but, unfortunately, the zoo wouldn't let me take him home. They found me hiding in a closet with him but they heard his squeeks through the door and found us.

It sounds like you have a loving wife and your comment about not wanting to leave her alone to suffer if you were "not here" is extremely compassionate and sensitive. Those who take their own lives have no idea of the life-long trauma they leave for their loved ones. It sounds like, even though you live with such mental and physical pain, you put your family first, and friends. Please keep us informed as to what is happening with you. You are definitely a role model and i feel encouraged when you share. Blessings.