I suggest watching Dr. Ramani on YouTube. She is a psychologist that is an expert on Narcissism and Narcissitic Personality Disorder. She has many videos. My father was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and I have, over the years, been drawn to those types of people due to it being familiar (unconsciously). She helped me understand a lot about myself and narcissism. I truly believe you will find some help watching her videos.