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There is no hope: Life feels impossible to me
Autoimmune Diseases | Last Active: 2 days ago | Replies (85)Comment receiving replies
I'm so sorry you're feeling that way. I don't have any experience with mold exposure, but I do have plenty of experience with brain fog, chronic pain from autoimmune disease, depression, and despondency. When my symptoms were at their worst, I felt the same way as you. I wasn't functioning any more like the person I used to be, and there were days when I struggled to get out of bed and felt it would be easier not to go on. During this period, my oldest tried to end his life after a 5-year battle of never-ending seizures. At 16, his doctor told him he'd probably never drive - just as all his friends were getting their learner's permits. He was involuntarily committed to an adolescent pysch ward for a month. Upon release, I enrolled him in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) course and went with him to the classes every week and did the homework as well. It helped him tremendously and today, he is a successful grad student in an occupational therapy master's program and wants to help others live their lives to their fullest and help them navigate their challenges. Incidentally, while he wasn't a candidate for any of the available surgeries at that time, he was subsequently implanted with a new kind of neurostimulator and a brand-new drug was introduced into his regimen, and a few years later . . . he became eligible for a driver's license! For me, the classes helped me to gain new perspective and reframe my thoughts; it has helped me cope on the really bad days.
I've never shared my story publicly with anyone, but I wanted you to know that people can deal with chronic illness, feel the way you've been feeling, and still move forward to find purpose in their lives. There is always someone who cares about you - family, friends, even a pet. For my son, DBT was life-changing. For me, it helped me to see a path forward, regardless. I hope you find more information within the forum from others, but while you search for answers, please also consider connecting with a mental health provider who can help you deal with how you feel right now. We once thought our son would never live a full, independent life, and in just a few years thanks to advances in medical technology, here we are watching him drive away to school every day. Please stay hopeful. Wishing you the very best. P
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What an incredibly inspiring message and story, @pm56 Thank you! It’s so easy to feel terribly alone when we suffer from chronically painful conditions, and when our healthcare system is limited in what it can offer us. @ariza9110, I am so glad you have posted to share how hopeless and helpless you have been feeling. I, too, am negatively impacted by mold and have run the gamut of attempts to regain health over decades. Many attempts to access healing have resulted in similar responses, either telling me there was no remedy/treatment or that this was in my head, or that I could fix it with some regimen that either cost more money than I could ever earn (and was not covered by insurance) or involved my taking umpteen vitamins or attending to my body’s needs every second of every day, to the point that earning a living or living a meaningful life was seemingly impossible. You are not alone in this!
@pm56, again, your story is hopeful and inspiring. Sometimes, the science process is achingly slow to address some of our struggles, but your story tells us that, at least some times, it catches up with us.
@ariza9110, I hope you will continue sharing here and will find at least some comfort in knowing that you are not alone with your experiences, and as with the article shared by John, you will find some information that you can take to your medical team and some language that you can use with them to keep helping them work toward providing you with the medical help and support that you need.
I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that a solution (or set of them) finds you very soon.