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← Return to Stage 3b 2 positive lymph nodes one year later metastatic to liver
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Stage 3b 2 positive lymph nodes one year later metastatic to liver
Colorectal Cancer | Last Active: 1 day ago | Replies (37)Comment receiving replies
Morning! Yeah im trying to hang in there mentally this waiting on biopsy results is hard im hoping the good ole saying that if they dont call right away its better news. Its just so fricking hard being cleared in December even almost got my port out but didn't thinking I made it to here we go again Another summer bascially in the house (were boaters run around with 5 grandkids to watch baseball and football games etc 3 of them live in Kansas were in So Cal and we use to go back about every 6 weeks for a few days to watch their sports) and now feeling with it spread to liver and 2 small on right upper lobe of lung is this ever going to be the end or is it the end of me! I keep saying i have to much life to live still and im not at all ready to go. I try to keep a positive attitude around my husband family and friends but inside im crushed. My mind spins like is this going to be the last time I experience this! then i try to snap out of it saying fight fight fight So my emotions are all over the place. and yes Capaecitabian has been good med! At least for now i have my hair. one benefit I know that sounds selfish but...
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@grandmakat5
I hope it felt good to let that out. If not, say it again and again until it does. You are only human after all and it sounds like you have a lot to live for. I feel very fortunate that I do too. After my diagnosis, the first few months were hard. I felt like humpty dumpty except I thought that I could never be put back together again. I felt completely hopeless. Then I got random calls from family and friends. When my dad eventually called, the toughest person I know, I couldn't hold it together. I completely lost it. He said you have two options. Quit or fight. When you can't fight for you anymore, do it for me. Do it for your wife, your kids, your brothers, your sisters, and everyone else in your life. Do it for us.
I knew that I had to change. The first thing that I did was separate myself from the disease. It was easier for me to learn and study about cancer and put together a battle plan with my care team, if I wasn't the one that had it. Ironically, it became much easier to follow.
The second thing that I did was try to live in the moment. It sounds like you have some sports in your family and so do I. When I coached middle school baseball and basketball, I coached the kids that the most important play is the next one. You can't change what is done good or bad. The only thing that you have control over is the next play. Try to make it your best. I applied that mindset to battling cancer. Make each second the best that I can regardless of how I feel or think. If I can string some good seconds together, I might be able to make a few good minutes possible. Next, try to string a few minutes together. Then, shoot for a few hours with the idea that hours become days. Days become weeks. Weeks become months and so on and so on. The idea of making good seconds really helped me focus on the moment.
The last initial change that I made was to reach out to others that are going through the same thing. I joined Mayo Connect. I realized that I wasn't alone. I could take a deep breath and start to heal mentally and emotionally with others. I can't thank the folks here enough for helping me through some very difficult times.
What motivates you want to fight when you can't do it for you? What keeps you in the house? In your mind, what needs to happen to get you out of the house?