I’m very sorry for your suffering with benzodiazepine withdrawal, I too have been taking these meds for over 20 years. I truly understand your wish to stop your meds but I wasn’t sure why, are they not helping you or are you being pressured to quit, either way it’s causing you far too much anxiety. If you’re going to stop your medication then you must have a plan in mind, most of all you need a doctor or other medical professional to guide your withdrawal, it’s not something you can do on your own especially after 30 years of taking them. There’s a lot of help available for you to get through this process. I don’t get any help from my doctor either so I’m on my own too but I found a lot of helpful information here from others who have been through this experience, I hope you will find the best solution for your situation, good wishes.