How do I even know what to ask?

We followed the advise for questions and just finished doing CT angiogram as well as PET and MRI scans yesterday. Met with the surgeon and the scans came back in our meeting. We went from talking about resection and laparoscopy to see if cancer was in abdominal wall to doing a liver biopsy as cancer had already metastasized to several places in my liver. I am not a candidate for resection now, but the hope is that I am one of the 5% that has the gene that responds to chemo.
As mentioned by one of you, yesterday was a tough day. I want to fight but last night was stuck in the “what does the world look like without me in it?”.

My wife will eventually be a widow. I may not ever see grandchildren. In my small , rural school they won’t be able to replace me as teachers are in such short supply.

It is defeatist, I know, and I won’t sit with these thoughts long, but I have to work through all the feelings that go with this diagnosis.
I’m assuming I have to grieve the life I thought I would have as I transition to the life I will have.

Biopsy tomorrow and hopefully getting a port next week.

I have never cried as much as I did yesterday afternoon…with my wife, with my family as we called all of our immediate family.

Your stories help as I am rereading the fact that some of you are much further in life than the statistics would show. Even the doc said each of us is very unique and wouldn’t give me a “how long I have” estimate. She only said without treatment would be 6 months.

I’m sitting here in bed at 4 am and I can’t sleep anymore. Time is the most importantly thing I have left. I want to spend it fighting this and being with my family as much as I can.

Sorry for the ramble.