Breathe deep!! You are valuable and special!! (I wrestled with suicidal thoughts too.. ) the voice you are listening to is not the one you need to be hearing.. (I can't get too religious on here.. I'm a born again Christian..you are God's specially made person.. He created YOU for a purpose..ok.. here we go.. the voice you are hearing is not from God.. they will probably edit this .. but if it helps you I don't care) You have children..??? Oh my goodness !! Blessed!! They need you!! You have a husband.. oh my goodness.. Blessed!! You have a dog..oh my goodness !! Blessed!! .. PLEASE!!! Don't think of hurting yourself!! You must be a loving sensitive person to say and think the things you think..I am sticking my neck out here.. but I've been there .. 38 at my head.. and you can't take a bullet back.. as I've said before.. My best friend shot herself in 2006 (she was very ill) and her husband and grandson found her.. her grandson became addicted to drugs ..attempted suicide (shot himself in the head) and survived but is serving a life sentence in prison for drug dealing..her daughters lives were shattered.. we still cry over the loss of her.. PLEASE!! Look up (and I mean UP..) and take a deep breath and feel the air you're breathing in.. so many people would want you to keep doing that.. breathing.. I pray you find peace and joy unspeakable... sending you the BIGGEST HUG!! LOVE YOURSELF!! YOU ARE LOVELY!!