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I'm not recovering: Could meds be causing suicidal thoughts?
Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: 2 days ago | Replies (81)Comment receiving replies
It doesn't matter if I take meds or not. I have suicidal thoughts with and without meds.
I had taken a combo of antidepressants that worked for years - regular life and no suicidal thoughts. The combo stopped working. I was off all meds for about 3 months and became really concerned when the suicidal thoughts came back. This year has been the most depressed I've ever been. When I became desperate, I
decided to try something again. I retried Lamictal. It isn't working either. I've been on it for 5 weeks. In the last 2 weeks I've had intermittent suicidal thoughts. Today was really bad. When I think I'm a burden to everyone who means the most to me and I think I just can't try again to make anything right again, my thoughts change to it would be better for everyone if I just disappeared.
I tried reaching out to my spouse and he didn't give me a hug or tell me things were not as bad as they seem. I can see he's tired of my depression too. I cried histarically in my car, alone with my dog, convinced that I need a plan. I tried calling a friend, but they didn't answer, but then she reached out via Facebook messenger. I told her that mental illness was winning. We talked. She said what I've been trying to do isn't working, that I need to try something different instead.
I feel that I've burned so many bridges, I don't how to recover. My diabetes is out of control, my parents are dealing with a new chapter in their life that I'm grieving over, my siblings and I are not getting along, my kids are seeing a side of me I don't want them to see, my spouse is tired of being supportive, and I can't function in most situations that are outside my room. I am broken and I have a real hard time seeing a way out.
Replies to "It doesn't matter if I take meds or not. I have suicidal thoughts with and without..."
Your brain is tired and in turn you are, I to have become a burden when I once worked and my wife stayed at home to bring up our children. Long story short I am unable to work due to receiving a lung transplant, this had me setting up kits of banked meds and other bad ideas. I am not sure of the legality where you are, but I just tried medicinal cannabis oil. I have CBD in the morning and THC/CBD at night and only small amounts. It takes some time to work out the right amount that suits you but of an evening the racing thoughts and worthlessness slowly disappeared. I have had instances where I relapsed, but I mostly felt much better. It is not something I now need every day, I can travel overseas without taking it with no withdrawals. But it must be done through a professional, not just a bonnet sale in the car park at the local supermarket car park.
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Breathe deep!! You are valuable and special!! (I wrestled with suicidal thoughts too.. ) the voice you are listening to is not the one you need to be hearing.. (I can't get too religious on here.. I'm a born again Christian..you are God's specially made person.. He created YOU for a purpose..ok.. here we go.. the voice you are hearing is not from God.. they will probably edit this .. but if it helps you I don't care) You have children..??? Oh my goodness !! Blessed!! They need you!! You have a husband.. oh my goodness.. Blessed!! You have a dog..oh my goodness !! Blessed!! .. PLEASE!!! Don't think of hurting yourself!! You must be a loving sensitive person to say and think the things you think..I am sticking my neck out here.. but I've been there .. 38 at my head.. and you can't take a bullet back.. as I've said before.. My best friend shot herself in 2006 (she was very ill) and her husband and grandson found her.. her grandson became addicted to drugs ..attempted suicide (shot himself in the head) and survived but is serving a life sentence in prison for drug dealing..her daughters lives were shattered.. we still cry over the loss of her.. PLEASE!! Look up (and I mean UP..) and take a deep breath and feel the air you're breathing in.. so many people would want you to keep doing that.. breathing.. I pray you find peace and joy unspeakable... sending you the BIGGEST HUG!! LOVE YOURSELF!! YOU ARE LOVELY!!