It doesn't matter if I take meds or not. I have suicidal thoughts with and without meds.

I had taken a combo of antidepressants that worked for years - regular life and no suicidal thoughts. The combo stopped working. I was off all meds for about 3 months and became really concerned when the suicidal thoughts came back. This year has been the most depressed I've ever been. When I became desperate, I
decided to try something again. I retried Lamictal. It isn't working either. I've been on it for 5 weeks. In the last 2 weeks I've had intermittent suicidal thoughts. Today was really bad. When I think I'm a burden to everyone who means the most to me and I think I just can't try again to make anything right again, my thoughts change to it would be better for everyone if I just disappeared.
I tried reaching out to my spouse and he didn't give me a hug or tell me things were not as bad as they seem. I can see he's tired of my depression too. I cried histarically in my car, alone with my dog, convinced that I need a plan. I tried calling a friend, but they didn't answer, but then she reached out via Facebook messenger. I told her that mental illness was winning. We talked. She said what I've been trying to do isn't working, that I need to try something different instead.
I feel that I've burned so many bridges, I don't how to recover. My diabetes is out of control, my parents are dealing with a new chapter in their life that I'm grieving over, my siblings and I are not getting along, my kids are seeing a side of me I don't want them to see, my spouse is tired of being supportive, and I can't function in most situations that are outside my room. I am broken and I have a real hard time seeing a way out.