Archtx
you may have been trained for the 'knack' (reteaching your pelvic floor to engage at certain times/movements for example when standing from a chair, when stretching, bending. lifting) this is a good technique
You hopefully are doing regular Pelvic Floor Muscle Retraining (PFM) Kegels in general as well.
Most sources recommend both long and short Kegels (engaging and holding for ten to 15 seconds for perhaps 5 or 10 or even 15 seconds and then series of short quick Kegels engage/contract for a second or two then release most will do these ten times in a series/
Engaging the long and short kegels target different muscle groups and responses and doing both is helpful.
I can send you some links on how to do these if you want/.

My pt also has me doing 'steps' this involves engaging about a 1/3 of the PFM hold it for a second or two then increase the engagement to about 2/3 hold this for a second or two then fully engage hold this then do the reverse. Going up and down these steps for about five or six times is part of my regular routine I do each day.two times

You are very correct in that part of the training that is very important is the releasing or resting between different engagements. It is just as important to learn to find the right muscle group, learn to engage as it is to learn to make sure you are relaxing and disengaging. This took me quite a while to learn and appreciate.
In fact, this led me to getting a hand held biofeedback device which has proved helpful., With this device I can make sure I am engaging and most importantly I am disengaging.
I have been doing Kegels for about four months and I still need to make sure I am disengaging especially with the short rapid ones. If I do not pay attention, I will quickly and fully engage with the short ones but not fully disengage before I start my next one.

Relatedly, overuse, overdoing the Kegels can really really be counterproductive. For the muscles to both relearn and grow stronger ( and build up some needed bulk) they need to be broken down and rebuilt, they need rest and a restorative process.

While I hate incontinence I do not want to blow it. I know I need to work on form and making sure that PFMs get needed rest. I lay down or recline a few times a day for 20-30 minutes, I resit the urge to push more even though psychologically I would pay the price, I would work all day long if that would only help.
I have learned via delayed reaction when I have overdone it. ( I leak more instead of less following days of too much activities)
I really hope you get better and your latest blood work is good.
Ed