How to handle when spouse has cancer, is in pain and isn’t active?

I'm so sorry to hear that. There's no easy answer, but it is important to set aside time to take care of yourself and to let friends and family take care of you.

When spouses become caregivers, they often neglect themselves ("I'm not the one with cancer"), but that's a big mistake. No matter how bad things are, taking care of yourself helps both of you, because you'll have more energy and be able to be more present.

If you set aside a couple of hours every day to go out with friends, take a book to the park and read, or even visit a spa, you're not being a baf person; just the opposite.

Best wishes at a tough time.

Contact his doctor to get the pain under control. No one should have to endure pain. There are medications and other things to help.

I know I should but I just don’t have the time everything is on my shoulders. Our family and friends have decided to ghost us. Even our pastor and his wife. My spouse he tries but then what happens he ends up in bed. We have one relative that calls but only to tell him about her problems and how can he help her? I told my spouse she has plenty of money so why doesn’t she just call an attorney or someone else to help her? She probably would stop calling if we asked for any help. Someone’s at your door.Thank you God bless everyone.

@argues It sounds like you're carrying a burdensome load. I've wondered if sometimes friends and family distance themselves when a cancer diagnosis is involved due to not knowing what to say, protecting themselves from the concern of seeing or hearing of a decline, or fear of their own mortality. So it might not be so much ghosting as it is anxiety on their part. Have you attempted to initiate a conversation with an old friend and inviting them over for an afternoon of light conversation as a diversion?

As for people unburdening their issues when we're going through our own hard times, I've also wondered if they do so in order to make it seem like "oh, you think you have problems, you'll feel better when you hear mine!". Or that they simply are oblivious to the suffering others may be going through. I found I recently had to say to someone - after listening to their health woes - that I'm sorry to hear they're going through that, they might not be aware that I'm also dealing with a health issue and that these days I need to maintain focus and strength, I regret I'm not equipped to handle the nature of her issues but I'd love to discuss light hearted topics and I'd enjoy keeping our conversations along that path going forward. I then directed the discussion to a good book I read. Perhaps that's a tactic you could try.

As for alternative means of support, there are two I can think of: https://www.cancersupportcommunity.org/ that may have a facility in your general area or offer online services. Also: .
https://letsreimagine.org/experiences/upcoming-events The latter has a sliding scale event coming up on the 22nd (free to a small donation of your choice) on Making Connections.
Do you think either of these would be of help or interest to you?

That is awful, especially that your church community abandoned you. Still, even little breaks can make a difference. When I was in hospital for 3 1/2 months back in 2021-22, and my spouse was working a full-time job and then going back and forth to the hospital almost all her waking hours, I asked her to take every Saturday morning entirely for herself. I wouldn't call her (unless it was an emergency), text her, or expect a visit. That way, when she got up on Saturday morning, she knew that she could have that time not to think about cancer, but just to do normal things like lying on the couch with the cat doing the NYT crossword puzzle. If you can carve out *something* for yourself, it will help (but I don't want to diminish how difficult that is).