hubby and i are in late 70's and his son/family live in another state so we don't see them often; i'm great at setting boundaries and seeing things as `they are' and not what hubby sees as `what might be'; he's already somewhat estranged from his daughter/family also in another state. i totally agree with the `let them' theory...but at times i know my anger is towards him because he's got the fear of setting boundaries/allowing things that he should respond to and i'm usually set up as the `bad guy' because i have no fear and express to him how badly they treat him, etc. it's soooo overwhelming and exhausting even if these `situations' raise their head only infrequently....just want calm and serenity more than they occur and of course he and i see things so differently, even after 39 yrs. of marriage. thx for your input.