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I have another situation as a step-parent for many years to adult step-children and I'd like feedback and your personal experiences. This relates to my husband, the parent of 2 adult children who both live in different states and finally he's `accepted' that he may never have the type of relationship with her/hubby/2 almost adult children, but still has a connection with the other son/wife/young son. As his wife, and of course my perception is different than his, I see my husband as being used and manipulated when they need him to travel to babysit during the summer (child is 11) among other things...BUT MY QUESTION IS HOW DO I REGAIN THE RESPECT TOWARDS MY HUSBAND WHO I FEEL IS IN DESPERATE MODE TO MAINTAIN THIS DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP AND ALLOWS THEIR BEHAVIOR WITHOUT EVER EXPRESSING HIS FEELINGS TOWARDS THEM OUT OF FEAR HE'LL LOSE WHATEVER LITTLE CONNECTION HE STILL HAS WITH THIS FAMILY? WHAT DOES THE SPOUSE DO TO PROTECT HERSELF AFTER MANY YEARS OF MARRIAGE WITH MANY YEARS OF DYSFUNCTION BETWEEN HIS ADULT CHILDREN. IT'S HARD FOR ME TO STEP BACK, SAY 0 ABOUT WHAT I SEE IS HAPPENING YET I FIND MYSELF DISTANCING MYSELF FROM HIM. WE'RE IN OUR LATE 70'S.
Replies to "I have another situation as a step-parent for many years to adult step-children and I'd like..."
What a frustrating and painful situation you’re in and my heart goes out to you, it’s all true what you say because you’re looking at the situation more objectively however, this is not the case with your poor husband. I understand that you want to protect him from manipulation at the hands of his own children, this is truly a tough spot to be in because of the risk involved, I hope that you won’t let it destroy your relationship with him because you’ll both lose. I feel that therapy could be helpful for both of you, it will allow you to get your feelings out and he may want to do so, this will help to strengthen your relationship and deal with the family situation together, best wishes on your journey to happiness.
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At our age it's such a difficult situation. You need to decide how much
you let this situation effects you. If I were bab ysitting my grands
would have to come to me. At 73 I don't tavel much. We need our kids to
help us more. I walk with a walker. It sounds ds like you and your
husband need to set some boundaries with his kids. Saying yes to them all
the time doesn't help anyone. I understand d
his fear of the kids turning their back on him. I refuse to let my kids
determine my happiness ess at this point. Ha g in there. Wonderful book.
JUST LET THEM