Hello @lexic10
I read your initial post and have been sitting on it since. I just have not known how to reply. I need to start, so here goes…

Welcome! I hate to hear how defeated you feel. For what it is worth you sound very clear and confident in what you do know. Have you ever thought there is just way.too.much.noise around you? I felt like I was being totally logical in plain sight and no one noticed how much I was struggling. There was just so much noise around me. I am so, so sorry you are going through this.

You found a good place here. It is safe and each and every one here wants to help. I am in no way a medical professional so I can’t offer medical advice. Heck, what I am the best at is failing to figure my own stuff out myself. Maybe you can learn from some of my mistakes. (That’d make it all worthwhile for me, ha!) Keep holding on.

You sound like you are in a downward spiral and trying to get out of survival mode. Is that accurate?

Curious……how did you find Mayo Clinic Connect, how did you find your way here? You can do this!